Before They Were Stars
Posted by Kevin Hazard, March 14th, 2007
Everyone knows that Site5 trains it’s servers in a secret underground training facility before we introduce them into our ornate workshop, hidden amongst the foliage of a forest of magical technology to be worked on by elves, but we have never explained the declassified information about where find new members for our all-star team of systems administrators. In the Top 10 post, I explained a few claims to fame in the company (skim down to #3 for a refresher), but we recently added a few new people to the Site5 team, so a hazing blog post is in order.
First and foremost, we would like to officially welcome Graham , Lou, and Tomas to the Site5 team!
Each member of the Site5 team brings something unique to the table with regard to his/her skills and past experience, but you would never believe what these three did before joining Site5 (not because I made it up or anything but because it is so… unbelievable):
Graham
Graham was an integral part in fighting the age-old “no ending sentences with prepositions” rule. An ardent believer in the art of wordsmithing, Graham enjoys both lexiconography and translating popular culture news and events into Sanskrit. Often referred to as “that guy who has been sitting at the same table for a decade” by the librarians at the Library of Congress, Graham world-renowned for his understanding of the subtle nuances of the word “their” and contraction “they’re,” but he hasn’t let that fame take over his life.
Is it a coincidence that “Graham” and “Grammar” look and sound similar? He was destined to be a Grammarian.
Lou
In many circles, Lou is adored — nay, worshiped — for prowess and expert ability to talk to electronics (or more specifically, a “Circuit Whisperer”). Don’t believe me? Call up the Sultan of Brunei and ask him who he calls when any of his electronics need to communicate to him… Oh, what’s the matter? You don’t have the Sultan of Brunei’s telephone number (which, not surprisingly, is given only on 24 karat gold business cards)? Well Lou does.
You may doubt the abilities Lou claims to have received after being struck by lightning for a third time in the span of two months, but he proved these skills unequivocally in his interviews with Site5. Call it magic, call it crazy, or call one of the telephones he has spoken to… Whatever you want to call it, he sure impressed us.
Tomas
Tomas was a key acquisition in Site5’s long-term goal of becoming a globally-renowned speed-typing powerhouse. You may be under the impression that Barbara Blackburn is the worlds fastest typist, but Tomas has matched Barbara’s records… with one hand…
Unfortunately for Barbara, Tomas has two hands, and has been clocked as fast as 316 words per minute. You may ask why Tomas has not been featured in the Guinness Book of World Records, and it is simply a matter of humility. When he is not concentrating on avoiding the limelight, Tomas replicates the works of Shakespeare, Thoreau, and Tolstoy (War, What is it good for?). Want a fresh copy of Thoreau’s 14 volume journal from Walden Pond in Concord, Massachusetts? Tomas can get those two million worlds on paper for you this weekend.
You can try to ask Graham, Lou, or Tomas about their past lives, but they might not recall many details.
All tomfooleries and shenanigizing aside, we really are happy to welcome Graham, Lou, and Tomas to our team. As you finish the 20-minute standing ovation that invariably follows the conclusion of your reading of one of Site5’s blogs, add an extra few claps in honor of the new folks (obviously, your arms will be tired after ovating for such a long time, but that makes the final few claps mean so much more).
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One Response to “Before They Were Stars”
April 11th, 2007
1. They rock. Thanks for hiring them, y’all.
2. You promised that picture of my initiation would remain private!!