Site5 Web Hosting Blog

The Top 10 Reasons to Choose Site5

Posted by Kevin Hazard, October 3rd, 2006

If you opened this blog page (or whatever RSS feed-driven medium you use to quench your never-ending thirst for Site5 tomfoolery) in search of the reasons you should order web hosting from Site5, you should probably head to a content-rich page like our Specials page or our newly redesigned Why Us? page… It’s not that you aren’t welcome to read the post… Those are better equipped to actually tell you the best reasons to choose Site5. Go check those pages out and sign up… I’ll wait.

***Time is elapsing as I am waiting patiently.***

Welcome back! Thanks for signing up with Site5! For those of you who already knew how awesome Site5 was without checking those links, I am very sorry to make you wait however long it took those new Site5 customers to sign up, but now we’re back on track with the understanding that the rest of the post will be 83.29% egregiously farcical.

Without further ado and with apologies to the Late Show’s Top Ten Lists (only the funny ones, we don’t apologize for the ones that aren’t funny), here are the top ten reasons to choose Site5.

#10:

No other web host (that we know of) uses the words “egregiously farcical,” “antidisestablishmentarianism,” and “heretofore” as content on their corporate website. (You see “egregiously farcical” in this post… If you have the inclination, go find the other two on our site… It’s like a treasure hunt!)

#9:

We send all of our servers to a secret, underground training facility where each of them learns how to beat up pesky server afflictions like spam and door to door vacuum cleaner salesmen.

#8:

If you forget the number “5″ after “Site5″ in your web host’s name, you would only guess a wrong number 4 times before getting the right number (assuming that you started with 1 and counted sequentially upward). Imagine if you chose to host your site with “Site4293″: It would take 4289 more wrong guesses to stumble across your host’s page. Clearly, Site5 is a better choice than Site4293.

#7:

All the “cool kids” choose Site5. If you want to be one of the “cool kids”, you should choose Site5… If all of the cool kids chose to get a million dollars for free, wouldn’t you want a million dollars for free too? I think I have proven my point.

#6:

As it turns out, all of the rebels who don’t want to be “cool kids” also choose Site5, so if you are anti-”cool kids,” Site5 is the host for you! We revel in the idea of scoffing at the “cool kid” majority of fad-imprisoned lemmings… FIGHT THE POWER! KEEP HOPE ALIVE! I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE YELLING ABOUT! LOUD NOISES!

#5:

You can place bets with the other members of the Site5 community about how many times we will redesign the Site5 website in the next calendar year. The current over/under is 23. I’m betting on the over…

#4:

You can look back with nostalgia on the past as you peruse weblog posts about Office Space, Vanilla Ice, Where’s Waldo, Oregon Trail, and more… Theoretically, you could do that without actually choosing Site5 as your web host, but in the interest of shameless self-promotion, we will operate as though that is not the case.

#3:

The Site5 team is comprised of web hosting veterans with a broad spectrum of non-web hosting expertise: we have two world-renowned fooseball players, one professional basket weaver (specializing in the underwater variety), the world record holder in solving a 1×1x1 Rubik’s cube (blindfolded), and a four-person team of Olympic hopefuls in the 100m Office Chair Relay. We could go on with more of our credentials, but we don’t like to brag.

#2:

We do not impose a dress code on our customers. We shake our heads at any web host that tries to enforce a dress code on their customers. Note: If the web host insists that its customers must wear vintage 1980’s Adidas sweat suits, we do not shake our heads at them… We will never dissuade the prospect of wide-spread adoption and acceptance of that classic style.

And the #1 reason to choose Site5:

Your site will be happy here. We know because we speak Websitian, the language of websites. We go to websites hosted by other web hosts and hear them crying… Don’t make your website cry, choose Site5!

***Waiting for the roars of laughter and applause to subside***

Thank you, thank you… You’re too kind. If you made it through the above reasons for hosting with Site5 and you haven’t placed your order, I would argue that you are inhuman. Don’t worry… Even if you are inhuman, we can probably set you up with a plan.

Don’t Click Here… Who says reverse psychology doesn’t work?

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